I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
