I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
