____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
