Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
