that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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