you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
