sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
