there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
