I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
