I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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