You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
