Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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