you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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