i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
