last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
