when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
