I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
