Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
