So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i think i have herpe
just one?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
