Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
