The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
