.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
