You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
