Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
