good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I should be sponsored by Trojan
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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