The maid of honor just puked.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
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