Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
