you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
