Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she looked like the before picture.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
