Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
