You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
