since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Is Oprah even human
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
