I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
3pm strippers are depressing
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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