"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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