I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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