So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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