i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
