just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
