I just made out with a guy for $7.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
