I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I don't think brook has ever known best
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
