My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
