Tell her she can't have a vagina
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
