I want to stick my p in your. b.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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