And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
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