yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
