The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
