Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
