Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
