Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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