Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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