HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
