It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
