i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
