Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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