I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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