some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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