so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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