Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
