She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Oh god it's open bar.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
