There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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