This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
