I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
