I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
