youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
