I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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