Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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