I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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