Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
