Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
